Tomorrow is the first anniversary of Dave's death. As I've been expecting, the feelings are flooding in. I respect them enough to be making room for them in my life, and I'm getting some support from the people on my team to take time away from activities to be by myself and be in communication with family and friends. I pray for my kids, for Dave's family, and for everyone else who misses him. I pray for the grace to let the feelings take their course; I see it as a way of honoring Dave and how much he continues to mean to us. On the other hand, part of me would do anything NOT to be stabbed by them.

Steve, Miriam, Julia, I love you. Family, friends - thank you so much for being there.

I have nothing new to say, so here is a list of things that I have regretted losing or throwing away over the years. (Those who know me well know that excess discarding of clutter is not one of my faults, but so what?)

* My old rock albums, especially Abbey Road
* My undergraduate term papers
* The remote control to the upstairs TV. (I have extra remotes that don't appear to go to anything. Wanna trade?)
* The keyless remote for the Ford Explorer. (Do you see a theme emerging?)
* Memorabilia from my honeymoon and my trip to Rome in 1975
* Newspapers and/or news magazines covering key historical events, especially 9/11 and the Tigers' World Series wins
* The kids' baptismal stoles
* Those beautiful matched beach towels that disappeared somewhere between the last and next-to-last house that we owned
*Elizabeth Lada's e-mail address

Now, here are the things I'm delighted that are no longer accompanying me on life's journey:

* The poster of Superman breaking out of Kryptonite chains given me as a gift by the first guy who ever asked me out in high school
* The red Datsun station wagon with fenders so rusty that they'd vibrate when I got going over about 45 mph
* My fear that I'll be 'found out' somehow, and no one will ever like me again
* My copy of the Book of Lists
* A lustful desire to buy Tupperware
* Any teenaged resentments toward my parents
* The vividness of the memories of the 2 or 3 most embarrassing things that have ever happened to me
* The brown flowered wallpaper formerly in my kitchen
* The inability to put down an interesting book

I am sorry (that includes both contrite and personally regretful) that I haven't had the chance to visit here with you lately. I'm in residence at the Leadership Center during this 2-week program for a very good reason -- there are hardly 2 free minutes to rub together until mid-evening. Tonight is ostensibly free, but our team is meeting from 7:00 to 8:00 with one of the consultants to our team, after which I can go to my room and relax. You all know I'm pretty outgoing, but I've only hit the evening happy hour once. That's way too sociable for me after all this work and interaction we have during the day.

One effect of having my Business side so actively engaged is that it takes a conscious shift to become personal or reflective. That's a good aspect of having time in my room at night. I can read, pray, or talk to close friends. I guess that's how the whole me manages to keep my balance here.

But there's not much to tell. I'm happy that the participants in the program, all executives, have accepted me and my contributions although they might have considered me ineligible for much respect. It's a very interesting and likeable group. But I'm sure we'll go through a period of high stress before we get to the point of hugging one another good-bye after a job well done a week from Friday. (See, I'm not only sociable, but I'm confident in my ability to hook these guys' Feeling side in a matter of 11 days. How about that!)

Please keep in touch at my usual e-mail address. I'd love to hear from you. In fact, here's my phone number at the Center. I may not be able to call you back at a humane hour, but I can try. (314) 493-3608. This will be good only until Feb. 13.

Yesterday I began a 2-week intensive executive program at the Leadership Center. I'm attending as a Participant in preparation for supporting it as an Executive Coach in the future. Intensive is the appropriate adjective. It's stimulating, very challenging, and I see myself on a collision course with overload if I don't take steps to prevent it. So I'm off to the fitness center to walk on the treadmill for a while.

I will be very short on time. I will try to keep in touch with friends and family, but I'm not at all sure I'll be successful. Please drop me a note from time to time to remind me that I have a life. Thanks.

Miriam and I had a great day today. We got extra sleep, we did some shopping, and then we went to a small but very fun get-together of work people at Sue the Aussie's house.

The shopping was particularly satisfactory because I finally bought a stereo which Miriam was kind enough to set up for me. I've been listening to a lot of classic vocal jazz lately like Billie Holiday, Etta James, Ella Fitzgerald, etc., and a collection of those happens to be the only CD that was present in the apartment this evening. (The rest are freezing in the car.) So after the small party we came home, lit candles in the living room, shared my soft new red chenille afghan (scored on the same shopping trip), listened to that one recording, and talked until pretty late.

I'm determined to get up and go to church tomorrow morning, so I need to get to bed now. Tomorrow will be the end of Miriam's visit and will bring the beginning of a pretty hectic schedule. So I'll talk to you all later.