• You've never met any celebrities.
• "Vacation" means going to Cedar Point or camping somewhere that requires digging a latrine.
• At least one member of your family disowns you the week of the Michigan/Michigan State game.
• Half the change in your pocket is Canadian.
• You drive 86 mph on the expressway and pass on the right. But you know enough not to exceed the speed limit in Ohio, where they tend to carry a grudge.
• You know what someone means when he refers to “The Bridge.”
• You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.
• You find it easy to obtain Vernors ginger ale, Sanders hot fudge sauce and Faygo Redpop.
• You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".
• You know someone from whom you could borrow a boat.
• You've had to run both the heat and the air conditioning on the same day.
• “Pop” is to drink. “Soda” is to deodorize your refrigerator..
• The movie Escanaba in Da Moonlight wasn't funny. You consider it a documentary.
• You have cheered at the sidelines while your child played soccer in a snowstorm.
• You have such a strong distaste for Ohio State that you refrain from buying cars that are either scarlet or gray.
• You consider Tahquamenon Falls a genuine waterfall.
• You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on your right hand.
• Your face falls at the mention the 1994 Colorado-Michigan game.
  
• When anyone asks if you’ve ever been to another country, you forget to count Canada.
• You know what a Pasty is. You know how to pronounce it. You have a firm opinion about whether it ought to contain rutabaga.
• You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but isn't far from Hell. (Paradise, on the other hand, is a bit farther, but you consider it worth the trip because you collect Petoskey stones.)
• You have to wait until the end of June to find tomatoes that taste real.
• You recognized Arthur Penhallow in The Upside of Anger. You also knew that Kevin Costner’s “Mr. Stadium Laundry” t-shirt was authentic. Now you want one.
• You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms. You find that aroma pleasant.
• You know better than to drive your Honda to work at a GM plant, even if it was made in Alabama.
• When giving directions, you refer to a “Michigan left.”
• You know better than to head north on I-75 on a summer weekend. That weekend begins at noon on Thursday.
• Every May, when the lilacs and apple blossoms bloom, you remember why you live in Michigan.

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7 comments

1. Anonymous on 2:32 PM

   . . . you call yourself a Michigander.

    
2. Roz on 2:55 PM

   Technically, I suppose you're right. I've always preferred it this way, though. "Michigander" sounds too much like "dander."

    
3. TS on 9:35 AM

   At our stepson's birthday party last night we gave him a Detroit sweatshirt (he likes the Tigers) and his grandfather was mighty upset. "What kind of Buckeye fan are you!...I hope that doesn't mean you like U of Michigan!" - that sort of teasing stuff.
   
   The way kids rebel in Columbus is by painting their room maize and blue. It beats smoking or drinking, 'eh?!

    
4. Therese Z on 3:00 PM

   What's a Michigan left?
   
   Let me guess:
   
   1. You don't signal, you just surprise oncoming traffic.
   2. You do it from the right lane.
   
   No, the first one is a Chicago left (the motto is "scroom if they can't take a joke") and the second one is a Florida left (especially if you're sitting low in an Olds 88).

    
5. Anonymous on 8:42 AM

   It's a way of engineering streets like this. In order to make a left turn onto a divided road, you have to turn left and then make a U-turn around the median in a special turn lane. It is the Michigan equivalent of the New Jersey jug handle.

    
6. Therese Z on 11:29 AM

   That's right! If I hadn't had an out-of-state plate, I'd have been nailed by the police for doing that wrong the last time I was in Michigan!

    
7. Roz on 10:30 PM

   Anon assures me that he means that you need to turn right before you turn left. He regrets the error. None of you noticed, did you?