You'll notice a new blog, Coffee Klatch, in the sidebar. It makes me smile. Here's a sampling.

Dear Abby,

I am facing a very serious problem. You see, I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S. Marines, and I have a cousin who works for Microsoft. My mother peddles Nazi literature to Girl Scouts and my father (a former dentist) is in jail for 30 years for molesting most of his patients while they were under anesthesia.

The sole supports of our large family, including myself and my $500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle (master pick-pocket Benny “The Fingers”), my 70-year-old aunt Hester (a shoplifter), and my two kid sisters, who are well-known streetwalkers.

My problem is this: I have just gotten engaged to the most beautiful, sweetest girl in the world. She is just sweet sixteen, and we are going to marry as soon as she can escape from reform school.

To support ourselves, we are going to move to Mexico and start a fake Aztec souvenir factory staffed by child labor. We look forward to bringing our kids into the family business.

But I am worried that my family will not make a good impression on hers. In your opinion, Should I, or shouldn’t I, tell her about my cousin who works for Microsoft?

I tend to dislike the "reaction-on-the-street" interviews that follow hard on the heels of momentous (or not so momentous) current events. I don't care, frankly, what passers-by feel about the passing of Michael Jackson or the fact that it was a cooler-than-usual summer. (Okay, lay it on me, is this a personal failing? Honestly, how do you feel about it?)

The Onion, as usual, puts a whole new twist on it.

The Ironic Catholic (or, more precisely, her husband who is filling in temporarily) introduces us to Scripture for the Twitter generation.

For example:

Exodus
After ten warnings, Pharaoh goes up against God AGAIN, gets a-- kicked. LOL. But Hebs whining "Are we there yet?" gets on even God's nerves.

Lamentations
Stuff happens.

Job
Stuff happens, and only God knows why.

I added one in the comment box, but there are more, many more.

Psalms
You are wonderful, alleluia. I am scum, alleluia anyway. I'm in trouble, help me. You helped me and the wicked rot. Alleluia.

Isaiah
You don't think promises like these could be reduced to 140 characters, do you? Read it.

Mark
Be converted and believe the gospel. Jesus died and rose. Who needs adjectives?

John
I am the Bread of Life. Yes, that's what I said, sorry you're having a hard time with it.

Acts
Pitiful people transformed into mighty saints. Political power no match for Holy Spirit. You never know.

James
Yes, it matters what you do. Don't fool yourself. Remain in faith, but don't worry -- he's coming.

What have I missed? Add a comment.

From the British television program "Yes, Prime Minister". It snarks the Church of England, but they certainly don't have a corner on the issue.

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.

The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence.

Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate.

Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you." Instantly, he knew just what it was. "Oh my!" he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!"

He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come quick!" he said, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls."

The man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is!" After several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery and heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one..."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth! Let's see if we can see the Devil himself."

Shivering with fear, they edged toward the fence, still unable to see anything, but still they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." and then " And one last one for you. That's all of them...Now, let's go get those nuts by the fence, and then we'll be done."

They say the old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy!

I wrote a post on Exultet about how to select a good husband. (No offense to you gentlemen who also might be able to make use of the suggestions, but I cannot pretend to know anything about picking a wife.)

Although I keep thinking of new items to add to that already voluminous list, I thought I'd veer elsewhere here and let you all know my tips for early detection of someone who has no business on your eligibility list.

Here are indications of crummy husband material:

• His first gift to you is a poster showing Superman busting out of Kryptonite chains.
• You have conversations consisting of, "I don't know, what do you want to do?"
• He spends a lot of time worrying about why you are yelling at him.
• You spend a lot of time worrying about why he is yelling at you. Or at the cat.
  
• He laughs so hard at his own jokes that he can't enunciate the punch line.
• He carries on conversations with other people while he's on the phone with you. You never find out what those conversations were about.
  
• You have heard him make rude noises with his hand and armpit.
  
• In the back of your mind, there's a suspicion that he might be using you. (You're undoubtedly right.)
• He needs you, he really needs you, and it's not a good time to stop seeing him right now.
• He loves you so much that it takes almost nothing to make him jealous.
  
• He is your first boyfriend. Or, he's your second boyfriend after the first one broke up with you.
  
• He's always asking how much something costs. Or, he never cares how much something costs.
• He blows off commitments because people will certainly understand.
• He whines.
• Even your friends who have confidence in your judgment tell you to think again about this guy.
• He has terrible experiences in his background, but he assures you he has put all that behind him and it will never bother him again.

And the top way you know to show this guy the door is:

• When you tell him your parents are stupid, he agrees.