• Here's a link to Canadian expressions, foods and other charming idiosyncracies. And if you've never tried a butter tart, you are much the poorer. And, for those of you enthusiastic about international cuisine, here's what's what about Canadian food specialties.
  
• I am eagerly anticipating the release of the Narnia movie. Here's a link to the transcript of an interesting television feature about it. (Pssst! The lion is Jesus. Pass it on.)
  
• Kate asks the ultimate questions: Who is the market for testicular implants for pets? And what kind of son sends his mother a link to them? ;-)
• Okay, this is just wrong.
• Coming soon, to a neighborhood near you. (HT: K-Sra)
• Also, at K-sra's recommendation, we have Cooking for Engineers. You knew a site like this had to be out there somewhere.

Today is the 30th anniversary of the loss of the good ship Edmund Fitzgerald, whose story is fixed in our minds by Gordon Lightfoot's haunting ballad. I say "whose" because the ship was a friend to those who sailed her. Her sinking has always haunted me because shipwreck at sea, seemingly safely distant in another era, came crashing back to my state on the lake that had been so calm when I visited during summer vacations.

Lightfoot's song is one of the best I have ever heard. The music -- hinting at old sea chantey -- is mournful, and the lyrics are poetry. The art of memorializing significant events in song has pretty much died out, but this shows us what can be done.

Let's remember the sailors and the families of the lost in our prayers.

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy.
With a load of iron ore - 26,000 tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty.
That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of November came early.

The ship was the pride of the American side
Coming back from some mill in Wisconsin.
As the big freighters go it was bigger than most
With a crew and the Captain well seasoned.
Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for Cleveland
And later that night when the ships bell rang
Could it be the North Wind they'd been feeling?

The wind in the wires made a tattletale sound
And a wave broke over the railing.
And every man knew, as the Captain did, too,
T'was the witch of November come stealing.
The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the gales of November came slashing
When afternoon came it was freezing rain
In the face of a hurricane West Wind

When supper time came the old cook came on deck
Saying fellows it's too rough to feed ya.
At 7PM a main hatchway caved in
He said fellas it's been good to know ya.
The Captain wired in he had water coming in
And the good ship and crew was in peril
And later that night when his lights went out of sight
Came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours
The searchers all say they'd have made Whitefish Bay
If they'd fifteen more miles behind her.
They might have split up or they might have capsized
They may have broke deep and took water
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

Hat tip to Dale Price, who has some fine links, for the reminder.

I've been tagged by Therese to describe five idiosyncracies of mine. All right, dear, if you say so.

1. Although I am "traditionally built", in the mold of Mma Precious Ramotswe, I don't particularly have a sweet tooth. A pan of brownies is perfectly safe with me. Now a pan of lasagna -- that's another matter.
   
   
2. I am quite extraverted, warm-mannered and sociable. However, I am not particularly gregarious -- by that I mean that I would rather be comfortable with one or two good friends at home than going from person to person at a big gathering.
   
   
3. I like feather pillows that can be punched and molded at will. I prefer them two at a time. I often bring my own pillow with me when I travel, because those resilient foam pillows found in moderately priced hotels and many guest rooms of otherwise estimable hosts are products of the Prince of Darkness himself.
   
   
4. I have never grown up enough to learn to like either coffee or tea. Regrettably, this leaves me with no winter beverage. (See Item #1 for a clue about how I feel towards hot cocoa.) Sometimes coffee shops serve hot cider, and I thank them. But this quirk leaves me in a dilemma -- how do I respond when someone asks me if I want to go out for coffee?
   
   
5. I can't help seeing both sides of conflicts and controversies. This equips me to be even-tempered and a mediating influence, but it hampers me from coming down on one side of a hot issue if that's what's called for. My near and dear ones probably get tired of hearing, "Well, on the other hand . . ."

Okay. It's my turn to tag someone else to do this. I nominate everyone who reads this blog, because there are darned few of you. I know who you are, so no excuses.

Here's a game I snagged from Kate and Mr. Proboque.

Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to it).
3. Find the 5th sentence (or closest to it).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

Well, here's a link to that post. The sentence is: "Now, thanks to the passage of many years and the counsel of wise friends, I've grown to see it much differently."

I liked revisiting this post. It's a snapshot of a period in which God was doing a bit of an interior overhaul and, in the words of a good friend, preparing me for "the surprises of the Holy Spirit."

Hell is full of good wishes or desires. St. Bernard of Clairvaux

Do not be troubled by Bernard's saying that "Hell is full of good wishes or desires." St. Francis de Sales

Now this is diversity, people. Nothing is so colorful as the kingdom of God.
_ _ _ _ _

A more contemporary quotation with truth that I have learned the hard way:

Sin makes you stupid. Mark Shea

And a bonus from my favorite wit in the whole world:
From silly devotions and sour-faced saints, good Lord, deliver us! St. Teresa of Avila

Hat tip: Enbrethiliel

New Orleans was an outstanding illustration of the Nancy Kerrigan Principle, which states "Just because you are a victim doesn't mean you can't be a jerk too."

Mark Shea, now back to the enjoyment of us all, on the perpetrators of 'unrest' in the disaster zone.

Waiter, bring me some soup that I will think is good! And step on it!
"Actually, most people's marital satisfaction declines over time, even though they think it is improving," says Professor Benjamin Karney, marriage researcher at the University of Florida. Uh-huh. And the problem is what, exactly?

After too many days of sunshine, something just snaps.
The underground garden of an underground chapel, somewhere underneath Fresno, CA. I suspect the motivation had something to do with the 30 degree difference between the underground temperature and the average life of a Fresnoian.

Parenting techniques of the future.
Kids you can be proud of, guaranteed. This is several years old. I'm sure it sounded more radical then than it does now, disturbingly enough.

Two game wardens, seven hunters and a cow.
Tom Lehrer song lyrics. Astound your children with the realization that they did not invent edgy humor.

Do you love being alive? Make your grandchildren quit college.
Relatives literally worry themselves to death over final exams, says Dr. Michael Adams in the Annals of Improbable Research. If you are an academic pratitioner yourself, the journal supplies a solution to your publish-or-perish woes here.

This started out to be a straightforward, serious post. Honest. Oh well.

Hat tip: Sis-in-law Rosemary

My daughter just had a dream in which she was sitting on the loveseat and sensed someone over her shoulder, so she looked around and saw her Dad.

He had a full head of hair and beard instead of the chemo-baldness of his last several years. He was dressed in the relatively ratty clothes he’d use to work around the house – a t-shirt and shorts.

They talked about things; she asked him whether he saw could see us and how we were doing. He told her that he got impressions about how people were. They talked for a long time and laughed large about a lot of things. (That has the ring of truth, doesn’t it?) She asked him a lot of questions. When she woke up, she wanted to go back to sleep and keep dreaming. Can't blame her.

What a blessing that God would sweeten her life like that.

Human Clock

Fidgets - every student or board member needs one

Games by Ferry Halim - even the mouseover effects are soothing

Thinking Putty

Anti-Ouch Lego System
- subtitled "So your kids have to learn swearing at school"

sorrygottago.com

My friend Michael attests that any day can be counted a success if you have caused someone to laugh so hard that he inadvertently spits on his shirt.

Well, Stephanie at the Yarn Harlot deserves to take a bow. I'm still wiping away giddy tears from this story of one of her recent travel adventures.

I woke up the next morning, and feeling somewhat restored, I decided to tidy the hotel room. I sorted some yarn, and I took up the room service tray to put outside the door. I opened the door, put the tray on the ground and heard a little "Click" behind me. That was the door locking. I was locked in the hall. Was my room key in my pants pocket? Yes it was. However, that realization was of no use to me, because I was not wearing my pants.

In fact, all I was wearing was a bra and underpants. (Not even good underpants. I should really try to do better.) This sick realization swept over me as I stood, pressed against the door to the room trying to pass my molecules through it to the other side. Then I tried to pick the lock with the room service knife. Then I realized that I needed a new plan.

A house phone? Maybe the hotel had a house phone on my floor. I sprinted along the hall looking for it. No luck, and when I heard the elevator chime, I flattened myself against the ice machine until whoever it was went away.

Standing there, in my undergarments, almost naked and sort of frozen to the ice machine, both spiritually and literally, I realized that this was going to end badly. That there was nothing I could do to end it well, and that all I could do was try and end it with dignity, grace and speed. I snuck (in as much as a half crazy mostly naked woman can sneak) back down the hall to the service area and snagged a smallish towel. I wrapped it around me and returned to the elevator. I took a deep breath, stepped inside and pushed the button for the lobby.

Nothing happened. Oh, silly me. YOU NEED A KEY TO WORK THE ELEVATOR. While I was standing there, stunned that I was truly screwed, wondering when I was going to get smart enough that these things don't happen to me, and contemplating the "emergency use only" phone.

A gentleman got on the elevator. He looked at me, looked straight ahead and then said only "Hi." "Hi" I replied, (noticing for the first time that the elevator was completely mirrored - so I could view my humiliation from all angles) . "I appear to have misplaced my key. Would you mind swiping your card for the lobby?" "Sure" he said, and we rode in silence all the way down.

When we got the to lobby, the door opened, the gentleman stepped off and I tried to. I really did. I willed myself to move but was paralyzed, looking at all the people. I stood there. I just stood there. After a minute, the guy was back. "Would you like me to tell someone you are in here?" he asked.

"Oh. Yes. That would be lovely. Thanks so much." I said, with as much of that aforementioned dignity as I could muster, and off he went. I waited, until what seemed like forever later, the concierge popped his head in and said "Excuse me madame. If you could tell us your room number?" I gave it to him, and moments later he was back. I will be forever grateful to him for the way he handed me the key. He simply passed it to me, exactly like I wasn't wearing a towel in the elevator and said "Enjoy your stay." Just like that.

When I got back to the room (after wishing some elderly couple in the hallway a "good afternoon") I had a lie down. A long lie down. Then I put on better underpants.

You never know.

So, chickies, next time you run out of things to be grateful for, remember that this has never happened to you.

Hat tip: Julie.

Which Harry Potter Character Are You? You scored as Albus Dumbledore. Strong and powerful you admirably defend your world and your charges against those who would seek to harm them. However sometimes you can fail to do what you must because you care too much to cause suffering. Albus Dumbledore 65% Hermione Granger 60% Harry Potter 60% Ron Weasley 55% Remus Lupin 55% Sirius Black 50% Ginny Weasley 45% Draco Malfoy 40% Severus Snape 25% Lord Voldemort 15% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com

Find more good wishes from Planned Parenthood on Allan O'Canada's blog.

Hat tip: The Curt Jester

My son, daughter-in-law and their dear little bun-in-the-oven are about to move across the country. (Yes I do get verklempht from time to time.) Yogrt-heir will be studying for the ministry and, I think, turning into an entirely new man over the next several years. He eagerly anticipates his studies, becoming a father, and not ever having to shovel or mow, in approximately that order. The Lady Yogrt is a wonderful young woman who was born to be a good wife and mother, but who will miss her family greatly as she launches her own family in a strange location.

The Yogrt Daughters are accompanying their brother across the country to help drive vehicles and unpack the truck at their destination. They'll see some natural wonders on the way and, I hope, receive grace to have fun and be supportive. Meanwhile, the house will be relatively empty for a while; I get the computer and television remote whenever I want.

Cold comfort.

You are interchangeable.
Fun, free, and into everything, you've got every
eventuality covered and every opportunity just
has to be taken. Every fiber is wonderful, and
every day is a new beginning. You are good at
so many things, it's amazing, but you can
easily lose your place and forget to show up.
They have row counters for people like you!


What kind of knitting needles are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I found this delightful item on a weaver's webpage.

"This is a cursed bookmark. I was reading about medieval book curses, and couldn't resist this example - it's just too good. The original was written in a book in 1172, at the Abbey of Saints Mary and Nicholas of Arnstein. The text of the original has been changed only to reflect the group I made it for, which is called Stargate.

The ribbon reads: 'Liber Stargate. quem si quis abstuelrit, morte moriatur, in sartagine coquatur, cadacus morbus instet eum et febres, et rotatur, et suspendatur, amen.' Which translates to: 'Book of Stargate. Whoever steals it, let him die the death, let him be fried in a pan, let the fever and the falling sickness [epilepsy] sieze him, let him be broken upon the wheel, and hanged. amen.' They were serious about their books."

In commemoration of the anniversary of the first moon landing (do you remember where you were, you oldies?), Google has posted a very nice feature. The sites of the various Apollo landings are superimposed onto a zoomable photo of the lunar surface. Zoom all the way in for a special treat.

Google Moon

Hat tip: Dom Bettinelli

I must admit that I didn't notice it, but some people observed the famous "smirk" during the President's televised introduction of Judge John Roberts as his Supreme Court nominee. It turns out that there was a very good reason.



It's Mrs. Roberts' calm that amazes me. Anyway, next time your kids embarrass you, be thankful that you're not on national television.

Thanks, Amy.

The habit of passing along quizzes about random personal preferences has seeped up from teens to adults, if the recent rash of blog activity is any indication. I'll hop on the bandwagon, sure. No pushing, I'm getting there . . .

Be sure to check all the way to the bottom. Some of you come out of this with an assignment.

* * * * *

What I was doing 10 years ago: Wife of one, mother of three teens/tweens, full-time graduate school, so busy that it was just school and family, no social, little spiritual, less personal life, little time with friends. Having a ball, generally.

5 years ago: Nursing husband with cancer, working very, very full time in human resources at an auto manufacturer.

1 year ago: Working for major aircraft manufacturer in a distant city, enjoying new experiences including living alone for the first time in my life, growing in a new affectionate attachment.

Yesterday: Resting during recuperation phase from significant but non-risky surgery, keeping house clean to show to prospective buyers, indulging in sloth, one of my besetting sins.

5 Snacks I enjoy:
Ham and cream cheese on bagel
Pretzels
White nectarines
Frozen grapes
Cold pizza

5 songs I know all the words to:
Amazing Grace
You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman
Credo (Third Day)
Alberta, Alberta (Eric Clapton)
Song of Thanks

5 things I would do with $100 million dollars:
Keep it a secret from all but closest confidantes
Wipe out parish’s building debt and make mongo donation to local pregnancy center
Set up educational trusts for offspring and offspring’s offspring
Spend one month in Britain, one month in Italy, and two weeks on Santorini
Invest the rest and live on the income, giving things away whenever I felt like it

5 locations to which I would like to run:
See immediately above, also New Zealand and Barcelona

5 bad habits I have:
Procrastination
Exaggerating for effect
Interrupting others when I get excited
Self-indulgence (ergo, this meme)
Computer solitaire

5 things I like doing: (all of you know spending time with the Lord is a *given*)
Interesting conversation
Watching good television
Traveling
Knitting
Laughing

5 things I would never wear:
A thong
Colored contact lenses
4-inch stiletto heels
A gun
Anything chartreuse

5 TV shows I like:
The Choices We Face
NYPD Blue
Whose Line is it Anyway
The Cosby Show
University of Michigan football

5 biggest joys of the moment:
Contemplating upcoming grandmotherhood
Enjoying my children
The object of my affectionate attachment
Having accomplished a presumably impossible task
Living in a well-ordered and attractive home

5 favorite toys:
Tivo
Knitting needles
Cell phone
Computer
Snood

5 next victims:
Henry
Therese
Julia
Kathy the goat egg gatherer
Debbie, if she still has a blog to do it on

Definitions:

• SHOTGUN: The space adjacent to the window in the front seat of a vehicle, or the person legitimately awarded the Shotgun position.
• RIDING SHOTGUN: The act of occupying said seat. Alternatively, the privilege of claiming said seat for a particular trip.
  
• SECOND SHOTGUN: The futile and invalid attempt to reserve the shotgun position for a subsequent trip, usually claimed by a disgruntled sibling of the Shotgun. The proper response is: "Nice try, buddy."
  
• DRIVER: The presumably predetermined operator of the vehicle. In cases where the identity of the driver is not established, the owner of the vehicle or his/her designate has full power to choose. No shotgun rules may be used to determine the identity of the Driver. Previous driving record and the current demonstration of courtesy are often the deciding factors.

The Rules

• In general, the privilege of riding Shotgun is claimed by being the first rider to call "Shotgun" in an audible voice before the passengers get into the vehicle.
• Shotgun is only held for one leg of a journey. At any location at which all or most of the passengers disembark, previous claims of Shotgun are voided and must be redetermined.
  
• "Shotgun" may only be used to claim the Shotgun Seat. It does not confer a legitimate claim to another, presumably more desirable, seat in the vehicle. Whining does not confer any additional privileges related to this issue.
  
• Shotgun may only be called when already outside the building and within sight of the vehicle. At least the driver and one other passenger must be present and hear the call.
• Early shotgun calls, e.g. before the walk to the vehicle is in progress, are prohibited.
• The judgment of the Driver is final and may not be appealed unless the parent of the Driver is also present and chooses to exercise their power to override. The reason for the override must be stated clearly and have some connection to the exercise of justice or the invocation of one of the Special Cases (see below).
  
• Occupants who are not successful in obtaining Shotgun are prohibited from verbal or physical expressions of frustration. A moderate amount of silent sulking is permitted though not encouraged. Transgressors may forfeit future Shotgun rights at the discretion of the Driver.
• It is the responsibility of the Shotgun occupant to provide various services requested by the Driver, such as adjusting the radio, ventilation, etc. or providing navigation services. If the Shotgun occupant is a bad navigator, it is incumbent upon him or her to consult with maps or other passengers in order to provide high-quality information to the Driver.
  
• Shotgun is generally rotated among the passengers for different legs of a particular journey. Once a passenger has ridden Shotgun, he or she defers until everyone who wants has a chance at it.
• If bickering over Shotgun is taking place, it is the privilege of the Driver to suspend these rules and assign Shotgun by whim.

Special Cases (in order of consideration)

• If the vehicle's owner is present but not serving as the Driver, he/she is automatically awarded Shotgun.
• Occupants who hold positions of particular respect by virtue of advanced age or other place of honor, will automatically be awarded Shotgun. No discussion of the Shotgun rules may take place in their presence, no matter how tactfully or humorously.
• If the Driver's spouse, parent or date is present in the vehicle, he or she is automatically awarded Shotgun.
  
• If one of the occupants is blessed with height or girth that would make it uncomfortable for him (or the other passengers) for him to be in the back seat, the accepted procedure is for all to tactfully make a beeline for the rear seats as if they were particularly desirable, leaving the Shotgun seat to the tall/wide individual by default.
• All passengers should become familiar with the fact that it is in their interests for any passenger who feels ill to ride Shotgun for his well-being and their own.
• If the vehicle is involved in an accident, it should be noted that Shotgun rules do not apply to rides in an ambulance or police car.
  

Matrix Boy (aka Tom McMahon) does it again.

How does he think this stuff up?

For more, click here.

Over at Mere Comments, the blog of Touchstone magazine, the insightful James Kushner offers some thoughts worth thinking under the heading "Observation Following Some Recent Conversations with Blue State Liberals":

They don’t believe in God; they don’t have a Church. . . But they still need something large and strong and good to secure their futures in this world—the only world in which they believe. So they believe in the State, and put their trust in it, willing to vote for any person or program that makes it as big as God and as kind as God ought to be, if there was a God.

Maybe this is why I run into resentment when I assert that government is great for the things that only governments can do (e.g. provide highways, ensure voter rights, manage relationships with other governments); otherwise, there are better ways to get the right things to happen. If Government is thought to have the attributes of God, then I have just insulted the object of their deepest faith.

Hmmm. Entrusting your well-being to the goodness, kindness and wisdom of a Bureaucracy. I frequently offer thanks for the knowledge that I am not God, but it never occurred to me to be thankful that I know that the federal government is not God.

Maybe this is why President Bush is so disproportionately demonized by the left. I could understand vigorous disagreement, but the vitriolic hatred has puzzled me. But if one thought that the throne of God were illegitimately occupied, rage and no-hold-barred warfare would result.

Again, hmm.

From Julie at Happy Catholic - deduce your personality by selecting a picture that appeals to you. Here's mine:

The World's Shortest Personality Test You are nurturing, kind, and lucky. Like mother nature, you want to help everyone. You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive. A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker. You are good natured and people enjoy your company. You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you.

Personally, I think this has all the reliability of the horoscope column in the New York Daily News. But the pictures are pretty.

P.S. My confession: I clicked on the pictures until I found a description I liked. See what a sinner I am?

Here's the promotional poster for The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

• You've never met any celebrities.
• "Vacation" means going to Cedar Point or camping somewhere that requires digging a latrine.
• At least one member of your family disowns you the week of the Michigan/Michigan State game.
• Half the change in your pocket is Canadian.
• You drive 86 mph on the expressway and pass on the right. But you know enough not to exceed the speed limit in Ohio, where they tend to carry a grudge.
• You know what someone means when he refers to “The Bridge.”
• You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.
• You find it easy to obtain Vernors ginger ale, Sanders hot fudge sauce and Faygo Redpop.
• You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".
• You know someone from whom you could borrow a boat.
• You've had to run both the heat and the air conditioning on the same day.
• “Pop” is to drink. “Soda” is to deodorize your refrigerator..
• The movie Escanaba in Da Moonlight wasn't funny. You consider it a documentary.
• You have cheered at the sidelines while your child played soccer in a snowstorm.
• You have such a strong distaste for Ohio State that you refrain from buying cars that are either scarlet or gray.
• You consider Tahquamenon Falls a genuine waterfall.
• You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on your right hand.
• Your face falls at the mention the 1994 Colorado-Michigan game.
  
• When anyone asks if you’ve ever been to another country, you forget to count Canada.
• You know what a Pasty is. You know how to pronounce it. You have a firm opinion about whether it ought to contain rutabaga.
• You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but isn't far from Hell. (Paradise, on the other hand, is a bit farther, but you consider it worth the trip because you collect Petoskey stones.)
• You have to wait until the end of June to find tomatoes that taste real.
• You recognized Arthur Penhallow in The Upside of Anger. You also knew that Kevin Costner’s “Mr. Stadium Laundry” t-shirt was authentic. Now you want one.
• You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms. You find that aroma pleasant.
• You know better than to drive your Honda to work at a GM plant, even if it was made in Alabama.
• When giving directions, you refer to a “Michigan left.”
• You know better than to head north on I-75 on a summer weekend. That weekend begins at noon on Thursday.
• Every May, when the lilacs and apple blossoms bloom, you remember why you live in Michigan.

It's the Eponymy, Stupid
"A woman identified by authorities as Denise Coke was arrested after a drug-sniffing dog discovered 33 pounds of cocaine in her vehicle," the Associated Press reports from Roseville Mich.

From James Taranto's Best of the Web.

It has come to our attention that a new organization called Unitarian Jihad has begun activities on U.S. shores. A communique came into the possession of a courageous journalist who, thankfully, takes seriously our Right to Know.

Some excerpts from the manifesto:

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons.

People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.

One of the benefits of participation (perhaps the only benefit) is that very cool names are available for the asking. I am to be known as Sister Shotgun of the Enlightenment. You too can have your own Unitarian Jihad name. Just click here.

Thanks to Bill Cork.

I came across a helpful tip for an alternative to spanking when your child misbehaves. Hat tip to the Shriners for the link.

Apparently this joke is older than dirt. I, however, just discovered it.


Chick-Fil-A takes over the world.


All right, who's in charge here?


Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.


Osama's nightmare.

And then, there's this classic:

All your base are belong to Ratz.

In AD 2005, a new papacy was beginning...

Liberal Catholic: What happen?
Bishop: John Paul II pass away.
Priest: We get signal.
Liberal Catholic: What!
Priest: Look up at chimney.
Liberal Catholic: Habemus papem
Ratz: How are you gentlemen.
Ratz: All your base are belong to Benedict XVI.
Ratz: You are on the way to salvation.
Liberal Catholic: What you say!
Ratz: You have no chance to survive make your time
Ratz: Ha ha ha ha.

**********

For an explanation of all this, see here.

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! Here's the gadget you need to make sure you allocate mercy in the most cost-effective way. Don't forgive anyone more than you absolutely have to. There's only so much goodwill to go around, you know, and you don't want to run out early.

Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

Interestingly enough, this is a subject my husband and I would joke about. We thought of ourselves as role reversed -- I was the data-seeker, and he was the warm listener. I'm glad to be recognized as a credit to my own sex for a change.

To the chagrin of the news agencies, there is absolutely nothing that any of them have been able to do to influence the papal election. Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, bane of the left and darling of the center, is now Pope Benedict XVI. May God bless him and us.

The always entertaining Tom McMahon provided this culturally-appropriate graphic for those of us in the United States.

After many years of John Paul II, we will likely have to get used to calling the Pope by a new name. (He could always choose "John Paul III," but I imagine he will realize that he will have a hard enough act to follow without making it more difficult by suggesting the direct comparison.)

Henry is among those suggesting appropriate possibilities. I would like to offer some examples of names for which there is papal precedent but which perhaps are less likely or desirable:

• Hyginus
• Sisinnius
• Deusdedit
• Formosus
• Agatho
• Zozimus
• Hilarius
• Simplicius

Here are some names that have been used before that are more contemporary and "cool" than the above list:

• Zachary
• Victor
• Stephen
• Theodore
• Martin
• Nicholas

Then there are the names for which there is no precedent but might be choices worth considering:

• Andrew
• Matthew
• Luke
• Titus
  
• George Ringo

Therese Z. over on Exultet (my second home) came up with the great idea to post the 10 things we wish we could do before we die. Here's my list.

1. Have a private audience with the Pope
2. Spend a month in Tuscany
3. See a huge azalea garden in bloom
4. Crew a sailboat in the Port Huron to Mackinac race
5. Listen to my son’s first sermon
6. Become a fabulous grandmother to as many happy, God-centered families as possible
7. Defeat my habit of embroidering the truth
8. Have a long conversation with some of the nuns who blog at Moniales
9. Win a prize
10. Get really good at ballroom dancing

I collect lightbulb jokes. These delights are stolen from Julie at Happy Catholic.

How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, but they're really only one.

How many Amish does it take to change a lightbulb?
What's a light bulb?

How many charismatic Pentecostals does it take to change a lightbulb?
Hard to tell. All their hands are in the air already.

How many Christian Scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. He prays for the old bulb to come back on.

How many Unitarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
We believe that incandescent, fluorescent, tinted, or three-way are equally valid paths to light, and if, in your journey, you have felt the need to change your lightbulb, we are holding a lightbulb service on Sunday at which you're welcome to recite a poem or perform a dance about luminiscence.

I have found the a capella singing group with the best name ever.

I'm a fan of the comedienne Rita Rudner. Although nothing compares to hearing her inimitable deadpan delivery, her material is funny even on its own.

Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they'd say "Thank you." That graduated into "Have a nice day." That’s now escalated into "You care care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check – the waiter said, "Don’t put off that mammogram."

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".

I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"

The beautiful weather was icing on the cake. The Tigers are on top of their division; like last year, this is expected to be temporary. Dmitri Young is on pace to hit 486 home runs. And, once again, Alan Trammell looks younger than I (probably also temporary).

Detroit is smiling.

I was out to dinner with friends tonight. I came home to find that my daughters had been madly cleaning and making lists of the things that need to be done in order to get the house ready to put on the market. I was very glad and touched by their teamliness.

From planning and listing, we wandered onto the topics of the Pope's imminent homegoing and what a conclave is like, the short reign of John Paul I, and the Terri Schiavo case. Meandering onto the thin ice of the absence of true checks and balances anymore, they suddenly began an energetic and heated (though polite) debate on regulatory overreach as it might apply to the proposed FDA regulation of vitamin and herbal-supplement manufacture.

These are not the most politically involved of young women. These sorts of debates haven't taken place that much within these walls since my son married and left to have them with his new wife. I was totally charmed and almost spoiled my poker face with a big grin. I speedily left the room so I wouldn't yield to the temptation to put in my $.02 and break the momentum. They're still hard at talk, though I think the late hour will eventually win out.

Family life is fun, especially when kids become capable of scintillating conversation with enough good sense to back it up. Now, off to bed with me. Someone has to exercise a little prudence around here.

Roz finally gets what she deserves.

I just finished reading (and thoroughly enjoying) Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh. So, sportsfans, here is our next topical quiz.

Julie has a funny list of State Mottos for us. Some teasers:

Arizona
But It's A Dry Heat.

Connecticut
Like Massachusetts,
Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet.

Indiana
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Michigan
First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

New Jersey
You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!

Unless you read my other blog, you may not be aware that I consider the Terri Schiavo case of the utmost urgency and importance from spiritual, humanitarian and judicial perspectives. I do.

Reuters published an interesting article today titled "Schiavo Protesters Not All Christian Conservatives". Eleanor Smith, a protester who described herself as a "lesbian" and a "liberal", described her concerns. A polio survivor who has previously demonstrated in support of the ACLU, expressed concerns about this case in which there is no clear evidence about Terri's wishes. "What drew me here is the horror of the idea of starving someone to death who's vulnerable and who has not asked that to happen. . . At this point I would rather have a right-wing Christian decide my fate than an ACLU member," Smith said.

If you want more of the facts (rather than the incomplete media coverage) about the Schiavo case, numerous medical reports and court documents are available at the Terri's Fight web site. The affidavits of her medical caregivers are particularly informative.

James Taranto of the WSJ's Opinion Journal must have been a Court Jester in another life. In his daily mailings, he plays on the words of otherwise innocent headlines until I embarrass myself by snickering at my computer screen.

Today's choicest nugget was the following:

Is His Dad on Viagra?
"McGwire Mum on Steroids"--headline, Oakland Tribune, March 18

Now if they can get back to playing ball before Opening Day. Please?

For any of you who are also readers of SoDakMonk, his blog has moved. The bad news is that his old site froze so he can't redirect readers to his new location. The good news is that he now has comments enabled. Tell him hello for me.

I don't know whether I'd enjoy sleeping on hard beds in smoky rooms, but the dresses are really cool. Here's who I'd be if I lived in the 15th century. The Prioress You scored 5% Cardinal, 56% Monk, 58% Lady, and 43% Knight!

You are a moral person and are also highly intellectual. You like your solitude but are also kind and helpful to those around you. Guided by a belief in the goodness of mankind you will likely be christened a saint after your life is over. You scored high as both the Lady and the Monk. You can try again to get a more precise description of either the Monk or the lady, or youcan be happy that you're an individual.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 1% on Cardinal You scored higher than 50% on Monk You scored higher than 99% on Lady You scored higher than 50% on Knight

Link: The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test written by KnightlyKnave on Ok Cupid

Here in car-crazy southeast Michigan, watching the sparring between the auto companies and the United Auto Workers (UAW) is a popular spectator sport. But the UAW ran into a snag this weekend when it picked on tougher prey.

It's commonly known that if you aren't driving a union-made car (the previous designation of "American" being no longer sufficient), you'd better not try to park in the lot at the UAW's Solidarity House headquarters. An exception has long been made for Marine reservists reporting for duty at a nearby base. Somewhere along the line, however, the union had a change of heart, releasing a statement Friday that withdrew the welcome mat for non-union cars or supporters of the Commander-in-Chief. "While reservists certainly have the right to drive nonunion made vehicles and display bumper stickers touting the most anti-worker, anti-union president since the 1920s, that doesn't mean they have the right to park in a lot owned by the members of the UAW."

The Marines are, thankfully for the well-being of the United States, not the type to take a spanking quietly. Lt. Col. Joe Rutledge, the local commander, moved quickly: "I'm telling my Marines that they're no longer parking there."

One would think that the ensuing uproar would have been easily predictable, but its intensity took the union by surprise. An apparent man of quick decisions, UAW President Ron Gettelfinger lost no time in reversing the action on Monday. The Marines, however, were having none of it. "I've made my decision," said Lt. Col Rutledge. "Either you support the Marines or you don't."

Gettelfinger points out to little effect that he is a former Marine Corps reservist himself. Humph. Well, Semper Fi to you too, fella.

Addendum: James Taranto of the Wall Street Journal Online draws attention to the accompanying photo captioned thus: "Tony Camilleri of Dearborn Heights covered up the Chevrolet logo on his Silverado with a Toyota sign as a tribute to the Marines. The UAW has a longstanding policy prohibiting foreign makes from its parking lots."

With inimitable wit, Taranto quips, "Leave it to the UAW to turn foreign cars into a symbol of patriotism."

Cacciaguida posts on the innate difference between girls and boys in the area of social interaction. From the day of birth, girls tend to focus on a smiling face rather than a dangling mobile, while boys are much more likely to do the opposite. So maybe the greater concentration of men in the engineering disciplines is no coincidence.

Yet another thing to appreciate. Thanks, brothers, for being good at the stuff I don't care for much.

This is the best self-test I've found on the web so far. At least, it's the most fun to take.

What Dog Are You?
After you follow the link, click on "What Dog Are You" in the right-hand sidebar.

I, it turns out, am a Basset Hound. Just scratch me a little behind the ears before you go, would you?

Finally, help for the terminally disorganized. Click here and scroll down a little bit.

Eve, via Eleanor, challenges bloggers to come up with a list of 10 things they have done that their readers probably haven't. Never one to bow before an amusing challenge, here's what I can come up with:

1. Spent a week doing ministry and couples' counseling in Turkey -- twice. (Beautiful country.)
   
2. Had a child via natural delivery after two previous caesarians.
   
3. Ate and loved raw kibbee, a Middle-Eastern dish consisting of ground lamb, spices, wheat and olive oil.
   
4. Skipped a grade in school.
   
5. Spent 20 years in a lay ecumenical prayer community.
   
6. Telecommuted to a job 500 miles away.
   
7. Camped out while 6 months pregnant.
   
8. Took a bowling class for college credit.
   
9. Saw Pope Paul VI in Rome.
   
10. Helped produce an Iron Butterfly concert.

Scrappleface had fun with weathercasters' tendencies to catastrophize winter weather.

The storm, which draped the landscape in a blanket of shimmering white, has already been blamed for countless hours of joyful play which will live in the memories of children for years.

"Millions of adults stayed home to enjoy time with family and escape the drudgery of their dead-end jobs," Mr. Sobel said. "Folks who work in the snow removal industry are enjoying boom times, with many earning overtime pay that will help to send children to college and generally fuel our expanding economy."

Now that's the attitude I'd like to see. It would make this long hard haul toward May so much more bearable.

TSO was kind enough to come up with five very thoughtful interview questions for me. Here they are plus my answers.

1. Why "deepyogrt"?
   (If you casual visitors look at the URL at the top of your browser, you will understand why he's asking.) It refers to one of the catch phrases that I used to use with my children, e.g. "You're in deep yogurt now, young man!" It seemed to me to beat the other 'deep' things they might have been in. When I was signing up with Blogger, I hadn't yet settled on a name for the blog by the time I had to pick the URL, so I just went with the first idea that popped up. I think "In Dwelling" is a better blog title by far, but I'm sort of taken with the spunkiness of the URL, so I haven't felt inclined to change either one.
   
2. You are a fan of the Detroit Tigers, a team skippered by the great Sparky Anderson for many years. Did the strike of '94 affect your support of major league baseball?
   Yes, it did, though not as much as the 1981 strike bothered me. I had a newborn daughter that summer and was greatly looking forward to using nursing time as an opportunity to watch baseball games. No such luck. Looking back, though, it was probably more the loss of the familiar names and faces -- Lou Whittaker, Alan Trammel, Kirk Gibson, Tommy Brookens, Dan Petry, and on and on -- that diluted the love affair.
   
3. As a management consultant who has an MBA & reads Harvard Business Review, can you shed light on how the modern corporation can infuse a sense of mission in their employees when profit appears to be the only thing that matters? Or is that a responsibility of the employee?
   "Infusing a sense of mission" is a pretty good definition of well-exercised leadership. The employee has many responsibilities, but jacking up his own motivation by the bootstraps isn't one of them, in my view. The average employee wants to be doing something that is meaningful and inspiring if there's the opportunity, and he's generally running his "baloney detector" on High. In order to communicate a vision, there has to be a vision that's authentic, meaningful, and subscribed to wholeheartedly by the top of the company. It's a tall order, sure, but when it's done right, it's a beautiful thing to behold. Oh, yes, you asked "how . . ." Hmmm. I'll have to get back to you on that.
   
4. How did you find your way back to the Catholic faith?
   My departure from the Church was not bitter in any way; it was the best way I could see at the time to follow God. There are many Catholic practices and beliefs that I never completely discarded, but I did have some solid questions that would need to be addressed eventually. Several years ago, I began to look at the Catholic Church again, and over time I experienced the Holy Spirit nudging me in that direction, especially after the death of my husband. God went into overdrive on this issue last Lent, leading to my confession and restoration on the Saturday before Palm Sunday. For His gracious timing of this, allowing me to fully participate in the Triduum at my wonderful parish, I will always be grateful.
   
5. Do your children read your blog and if so does it affect what or how you blog?
   From time to time my daughters stop by and occasionally comment. I'm very aware of the fact that the blog is posted publicly, so their participation doesn't constrain me any more than the knowledge that the rest of the world is free to stop by as well. My blogs probably reveal different sides of me than they customarily see from day to day, but that's nothing but a good thing.

The New York Times ran a piece about the way Pope John Paul II uses humor in trying times. The quips will not cause you to roll in the aisles, but they draw the picture of a lighthearted man.

"In 1994, when he was convalescing at Rome's Gemelli Polyclinic hospital after hip replacement surgery, the pope reassured the masses from his hospital window: 'I've never been so examined in my life, from top to bottom. I didn't even know such organs existed.'

As with the current health crisis, the question of whether the pope would be forced to step down was an issue back then. He dealt with the question with humor, joking with his surgeon about the church law that would let him resign if he became incapacitated. 'Doctor, neither you nor I have any choice. You have to cure me because there is no room for a pope emeritus,' he said."

Here are some interesting links you might enjoy.

• A list of 4-star movies coming up on television
• A thorough compilation of online movie reviews. Always my first stop when I'm going to a movie or renting.
• A quick scriptural meditation -- updated daily.
• Latest monologue zingers from Leno, Letterman, et al.
• Random lists . . . I don't know how to describe this. Check it out for yourself.
• A compilation of past Superbowl commercials.
• The best test of your covetousness level I can imagine.
• A good case for simplifying your work style. From Jugglezine, Herman Miller's excellent online work/life magazine.
• The best way to cook poultry.
• A guide to picking a marriage counselor.
• And finally, a treat for those of you much younger than I.

I miss hockey. I don't feel betrayed and bereft as I did during the baseball strike(s), but it has always been my Winter Sport. Will I never see Yzerman (a.k.a. The Captain) play again? Sigh.

Those who are inclined to feel likewise may enjoy this.

Spring training has begun. Baseball season is a time of spiritual honing. Either our characters are built by hopes cruelly dashed, or the gladness of victory foreshadows the true happiness that is to come. Either way, baseball is more than a game -- it's a noble endeavor.

That's my story, and I'm sticking with it.

This is very cool.

• James Kushiner of Touchstone Magazine's Mere Comments blog talks about his annual retreat at an Orthodox monastery in southern Michigan. I never knew it was there. Do they accept visits from non-Orthodox? It's my firm intention to find out.
• I am a secret and embarrassed fan of the television show Project Runway. It's a little morality play all dressed up in charmeuse satin. You want to learn about how and when to accept advice, how to be an effective leader of a group of competitors, why it's worth cultivating resilience in the face of obstacles, how to mesh creativity and efficiency? It's all in there. And, for you men out there, the models are tres attractive.
• If I hadn't watched the Grammy Awards, I would have missed a terrific Gospel number with the gravely-voiced Mavis Staples and a new rap star Kanye West singing his winning hit Jesus Walks. Who knew?
• Let's not forget the ongoing transformation in Iraq, spotlit by the recent very successful election. The 60% turnout should shame the United States where a drizzle convinces voters that catching Oprah is more important than voting for president. Even the United Nations was impressed: 'Using the term "incredible" several times, the chief United Nations electoral official who led the team giving technical aid and advice for Iraq's national poll on Sunday said today she was "extremely pleased" . . ."I have participated in many elections in my life," Carina Perelli, chief of the UN Electoral Assistance Division, told a news briefing in New York. "This was probably one of the most moving elections I have ever seen because it was basically people making a very dignified, peaceful demonstration that the will of the people has to be heard."' Thank God, thank God.
• Matthew at Shrine of the Holy Whapping believes that there's yet more fun to be had. In justice to Catholics of Eastern European origin, he propounds giving St. Cyril's day the attention it allegedly deserves. However, he seems to be running into some resistance. "My idea to attempt to cash in on the Apostles to the Slavs by selling tee-shirts saying "Kiss Me, I'm Croatian," died an unfortunate death somewhere along the line. Why should the Irish have all the fun? Everyone is Slavonic on St. Cyril's day!." My only question is: what color do you dye the Chicago River?

According to Tom McMahon, Minnesota appears to have a new airline -- Lutran Air. Here's an excerpt from what must be the press release:

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, da no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is an upliftin experience.

Der is no first class on any Lutran Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of de aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by freewill offering and da plane will not land 'til da budget is met. . . .

In de event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say 'trespass against us,' which isn't right, but what can you do? . . .

Oh, yes indeedy. Following on the rollicking success of The Book Game, we now present for your entertainment and intellectual excitement, The Poetry Game. (Hat tip to the Summa Mamas.)

How to play: Copy this list. If you recognize the first line of the poem, leave it alone. If not, substitute something you do recognize in bold. Extra credit if you can identify the poem and/or author. However, since you're only doing this for fun, what difference does it make?

Roz's List
1. Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be
2. Batter my heart, three-person’d God
3. Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
4. Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
5. Do not go gentle into that good night
6. There is a place where the sidewalk ends and before the street begins
7. How do I love thee, let me count the ways
8. A stable lamp is lighted whose glow shall wake the sky
9. When called by a panther, don't anther.
10. ’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

The Curt Jester's proposal for a non-offensive prayer appropriate to a pluralistic Inauguration ceremony inspired the following adaptation by this author.

We [call upon]/[deny the existence of] [God]/[gods]/[blind chance] to confer upon our country [a blessing]/[more randomness]/[the chaos we deserve]. May [he]/[she]/[it]/[who are we kidding] [look with favor upon]/[giggle about] our humble [submission]/[efforts]/[electoral system]. Look not on our [faults]/[arrogance]/[faults and arrogance]/[Congress] but show us [your mercy]/[your love]/[the money]. There is none but [You]/[me]/[American Idol] worthy of our reverence. [Amen.]/[So be it.]/[Wha. . .?]

* * * * * *
Today President Bush will take the oath of office for his second term. May God give him grace, strength, courage and the wisdom to govern according to what is right and just insofar as God gives him to understand it.

I got this from TSO who got it from Julie. You post a list of books that you got from someone else. The game is to remove authors who you do not have in your library and replace them in bold with ones you do have. Here's the Roz version:

1. Margaret Mitchell
2. Josephine Tey
3. Peter Block
4. Jane Austen
5. C.S. Lewis
6. J.R.R. Tolkien
7. Corrie Ten Boom
8. Rumer Godden
9. Garrison Keillor
10. Dorothy Sayers

Thanks to Powerline.

Study: Family, Friends Reduce Quality Internet Time

2004-12-31) -- A new survey from the Stanford Institute for the Quantitative Study of Society shows that relationships with family and friends may reduce both the quantity and quality of time spent surfing the internet.

Researchers say the new data show that Americans enjoy the internet less, and use it less frequently when burdened by "outdated relational protocols and so-called family responsibilities."

"We're really talking about a rip in the fabric of society," said one unnamed Stanford researcher. "Internet users who are saddled with too many face-to-face relationships report a decreased level of satisfaction with their virtual relationships."

As news of the study broke, several internet advocacy groups called an impromptu summit to discuss the implications of a world where people actually hear each other laugh out loud, and share smiles without the use of emoticons.

* * * * * *
Lifted in its entirety from Scrappleface.

My daughter, aware that I am job hunting once again, was kind enough to send me this referral. It looks like there will be lots of jobs available, so feel free to apply if you want.