From Lark News, sort of a baptized version of The Onion.

CINCINNATI — Mike Thomas, 23, enjoys cultivating a close relationship with the Holy Spirit, but some friends say he’s become too familiar with the third person of the Trinity.
When they call to ask what Mike is doing, he now tells them, "Me and HS are down at the coffee shop."

"It took me a while to figure out who ‘HS’ was, especially when I would get there and Mike was alone," says a friend.
Lately, Mike tells friends he’s "hanging with the Ghost."
"We all know the Holy Spirit is with us, but it’s hard for us to relate to him like Mike does," says one friend.
When the group heads out to dinner or a movie Mike sometimes pauses and says, "Hey guys, let’s not forget the Ghost."
When they meet new people, Mike introduces himself — and the Holy Spirit.
"It’s a little awkward when you’re meeting girls," says one friend. "They’re like, ‘Who else you got with you, Casper?’"
When Mike arrives at church for worship he has started announcing, "Woohoo! Another dose of the Ghost." He has even been heard to say during praise time, "You are the Ghostest with the mostest."
Mike also insists that people call the third person of the trinity "Holy Spirit" rather than "the Holy Spirit."
"Holy Spirit is a person, not a thing," he chides. "Do you want people to call you ‘The John Smith’?"

Friends say they appreciate Thomas’s close relationship with the Holy Spirit, even though it’s making their social lives challenging.
"We’re asking Holy Spirit to talk with him about it," they say.

Would you like a little catechesis with that whopping helping of casual presumption, sir?

From TSO, who always gets sent the good stuff.

Keys to Good Writing

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
3. Employ the vernacular.
4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Remember to never split an infinitive.
7. Contractions aren't necessary.
8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
9. One should never generalize.
10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
13. Be more or less specific.
14. Understatement is always best.
15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
20. Who needs rhetorical questions?
21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
22. Don't never use a double negation.
23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point
24. Do not put statements in the negative form.
25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
28. A writer must not shift your point of view.
29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
37. Always pick on the correct idiom.
38. The adverb always follows the verb.
39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.

Hello, everyone. I wanted to find something really good to post to thank you for waiting around during my hiatus.

Well, I found it.

A local radio host said, "Now we know God loves Michigan best. He wanted to watch this game with Bo."

We will miss him.

Thanks to Rosemary C. for this. Author unknown.

**********

The Land of Sandra Dee

Long ago and far away
In a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan
Or the dawn of Camelot,
There lived a race of innocents,
And they were you and me.
Long ago and far away
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Oh, there was truth and goodness
In that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges,
And Peyton Place was porn.
For Ike was in the White House,
And Hoss was on TV,
And God was in his heaven
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

We learned to gut a muffler.
We washed our hair at dawn.
We spread our crinolines to dry
In circles on the lawn.
And they could hear us coming
All the way to Tennessee,
All starched and sprayed and rumbling
in the Land of Sandra Dee.

We longed for love and romance,
And waited for the prince.
Ol' Eddie Fisher married Liz,
And no one's seen him since.
We danced to "Little Darlin',"
And sang to "Stagger Lee,"
And cried for Buddy Holly
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Only girls wore earrings then,
And three was one too many.
And only boys wore flat-top cuts,
Except for Jean McKinney.
And only in our wildest dreams
Did we expect to see
A boy named George with Lipstick
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

We fell for Frankie Avalon.
Annette was oh, so nice.
And when they made a movie,
They never made it twice.
We didn't have a Star Trek Five,
Or Psycho Two and Three,
Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Miss Kitty had a heart of gold,
And Chester had a limp,
And Reagan was a Democrat
Whose co-star was a chimp.
We had a Mr Wizard,
But not a Mr T,
And Oprah couldn't talk yet
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

We had our share of heroes,
We never thought they'd go,
At least not Bobby Darin,
Or Marilyn Monroe.
For youth was still eternal,
And life was yet to be,
And Elvis was forever
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

We'd never seen the rock band
That was Grateful to be Dead.
And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson,
And Zeppelins weren't Led.
And Beatles lived in gardens then,
And Monkees in a tree.
Madonna was a virgin
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

We'd never heard of Microwaves,
Or telephones in cars.
And babies might be bottle-fed,
But they weren't grown in jars.
And pumping iron got wrinkles out,
And "gay" meant fancy-free,
And dorms were never coed
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

We hadn't seen enough of jets
To talk about the lag,
And microchips were what was left at
The bottom of the bag.
And hardware was a box of nails,
And bytes came from a flea,
And rocket ships were fiction
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

Buicks came with portholes,
And side show came with freaks,
And bathing suits came big enough
To cover both your cheeks.
And Coke came just in bottles,
And skirts came to the knee,
And Castro came to power
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

We had no Crest with flouride.
We had no Hill Street Blues.
We all wore superstructure bras
Designed by Howard Hughes.
We had no patterned pantyhose,
Or Lipton herbal tea,
Or prime-time ads for condoms
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

There were no golden arches,
Nor Perriers to chill.
Fish were not called Wanda,
And cats were not called Bill.
And middle-aged was thirty-five
And old was forty-three,
And ancient were our parents
In the Land of Sandra Dee.

But all things have a season,
Or so we've heard them say.
So now instead of Maybelline
We swear by Retin-A.
They send us invitations
To join AARP,
We've come a long way, baby,
From the Land of Sandra Dee.

So now we face a brave new world
In slightly larger jeans,
And wonder why they're using
Smaller print in magazines.
We tell our children's children
of the way it used to be,
Long ago and far away
In the Land of Sandra Dee.