You Are a Whiteboard |
 You are a dreamer, a visionary, and a straight up idea person. You are very creative. Even if the things you think up are a bit wacky, they often are brilliant. You are an adept problem solver. You are always tossing around dozens of ideas. You would make a good artist, designer, or architect. You do best when work feels like play. |
Dear Abby,
I am facing a very serious problem. You see, I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S. Marines, and I have a cousin who works for Microsoft. My mother peddles Nazi literature to Girl Scouts and my father (a former dentist) is in jail for 30 years for molesting most of his patients while they were under anesthesia.
The sole supports of our large family, including myself and my $500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle (master pick-pocket Benny “The Fingers”), my 70-year-old aunt Hester (a shoplifter), and my two kid sisters, who are well-known streetwalkers.
My problem is this: I have just gotten engaged to the most beautiful, sweetest girl in the world. She is just sweet sixteen, and we are going to marry as soon as she can escape from reform school.
To support ourselves, we are going to move to Mexico and start a fake Aztec souvenir factory staffed by child labor. We look forward to bringing our kids into the family business.
But I am worried that my family will not make a good impression on hers. In your opinion, Should I, or shouldn’t I, tell her about my cousin who works for Microsoft?
I tend to dislike the "reaction-on-the-street" interviews that follow hard on the heels of momentous (or not so momentous) current events. I don't care, frankly, what passers-by feel about the passing of Michael Jackson or the fact that it was a cooler-than-usual summer. (Okay, lay it on me, is this a personal failing? Honestly, how do you feel about it?)
